Tony Stinkmetal's new tattoo!

Tony Stinkmetal, author of such New Wave art film cult classics as "Rochelle, Rochelle," the story of a young girl's erotic journey from Milan to Minsk; "I Was A Sexy Werewolf (Too Bad For You)"; and the forthcoming 21st-century noir "Billy Scratchitt, or Love Ruins Everything" has just added to his priceless collection of tats with this latest work on his comely young and shaved pussy I mean shin. Stinkmetal, yer a brave and visionary lad! Team Shredder salutes you in Song and Dance!

We particularly enjoy the artistic ambiguity around the 2nd chakra. Por ehemplay, look how the belt buckle he say "Tony"--Is that to be meaning that Stinkmetal he wear a belt how he telling his name to the other people?? Or . . .Does the belt buckle she say, "I am belt buckle of man who LOVE/LUSTS for Tony Stinkmetal?!!!!! Or BOTH??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By which we here at Team Shredder Legal Services in no way mean to imply that Mister Stinkmetal he suffer from the Narcissitic Lesbian Attraction™@!

Zoe Strauss April 1st. Lizzie Bonaventura & Jeanine Oleson April 2nd.

Liz Bonaventura and Jeanine Oleson in a group show at ps 122 gallery, which opens April 2nd. That's all I know. Other than you don't want to miss it.

This is called
End of a City---------->
by Ms. Bonaventura

PS122 Gallery presents Bearings: the Female Figure,

curated by Allen Frame

Dates: April 2 - 23, 2006

Reception: April 2, 1-5pm

Location: 9^th Street, between First Avenue and Avenue A

Gallery hours: Thursday - Sunday, 12-6pm

Contact information: Susan Schreiber, Gallery Director, 212.228.4249, ps122gallery@verizon.net, ps122gallery.org

Zoe Strauss Is giving a talk at the Whitney on April 1st. Here's what she has to say about it:


Check this out below!
A. It's on my birthday.
B. It will be great.

PLEASE DROP ME A LINE TO LET ME KNOW IF YOU WILL BE ATTENDING

I will be gearing my talk to the twilight factor of why the Eagles
allowed
TO to go to Dallas.

-ZS






<---This one's called Equitable Reflected Outside Hotel Window









Saturday, April 1 6pm
This evening's three conversations take up the twilight character of
Day for
Night, the sense of artists "working," as Biennial curator Philippe
Vergne
has described, "in a space between day and night, between the history
of
forms and the forms of history. . .[where] many things are called into
question or obscured."

One: Gedi Sibony, Jordan Wolfson, Momus
Two: Carolina Caycedo, Lori Cheatle and Daisy Wright, Zoe Strauss
Three: Jutta Koether and Reena Spaulings

Admission to all programs, unless otherwise noted: $8; members, senior
citizens, and students with valid ID $6. Advance sales are strongly
recommended, as seating is limited. Tickets may be purchased at the
Museum
Admissions Desk or by visiting www.whitney.org; reservation inquiries
at
(212) 570-7715 or public_programs@whitney.org.

http://www.whitney.org/www/programs/eventInfo.jsp

I Feel / I Need

Go To Hell

We adore the words of Eileen Myles and the voice of Juliana Snapper. If there is anybody who has not yet truly lived, i.e. experienced these words and this voice, well then you can just go to Hell and find out what you've been missing.


It would have been enough, Dayenu. But we also get several way excellent paintings by Gree C. Hair in a show in the ps 122 gallery right at the same time! No further info just yet, except that it opens on April 2nd.



But wait! Hold off on stabbing your eyes and ears out from the beauty of all of this until you've made yet another visit to ps 122 to witness Nao Bustamante hit it hard. Watch out!

SchoolHouse Roxx and PS122 Present

"DANGEROUS WOMEN"

A PERFORMANCE ART DOUBLE-BILL

March 30, 31 & April 1 - 9pm

(Thursday, Friday & Saturday)

P.S.122's Schoolhouse Roxx Series presents a double bill of dangerous women. Internationally known performance artist Nao Bustamante will be performing her new work, entitled Hero, and rising downtown art star Dynasty Handbag brings her own peculiar blend of music and deranged monologue to the P.S. 122 stage in her first feature length piece.

Direct link to buy tickets:

http://www.ps122.org/performances/schoolhouse_april_06.html

Performance Space 122

150 First Ave. at E. 9th St.

NYC 10009

General Information: 212-477-5288

The Classiest Dagger of them all

is Zoe Strauss, who's given us this image.
Thank you, Dagger.




That's gon' be The Capt'n real soon,
<-----right up in there. This summer.

Things are looking great for at least 2/3 of Team Shredder

because:
a) yesterday we had a killer day of surfing, more or less. Crucially to Sea Monkey, the water temp was a couple degrees higher, so our hands didn't hurt and we didn't get the brain freeze when going under. We realized that 2 degrees makes a big difference, and thus the lil' monkey didn't have to shiver! Though when we first went out, it was a bit breezy and choppy, and I secretly had my doubts. But the Team, they made their way, and found several excellent take-off spots for the faster-than-lately, midsize & really fun waves. There was much chaos out there, waves were breaking unpredictably all over the place, every which way but loose. Waves that looked like they were doing one thing would suddenly switch up in the middle and do something else. Sea Monkey brilliantly played it to her advantage, however, and once again showed us why she is king of the varsity team. Lil' Monkee caught what started out as a nice left, but as she travelled along, the section in front of her closed out. When this happens to surfers at our level, usually they will then either a) get knocked over like a bowling pin by the oncoming whitewater, or b) "pull out," i.e. turn the board up over the top of the wave and avoid the collision, something I've only recently figured out how to do, or c) more advanced surfers who can turn their giant longboards better will change directions and go right, if there is anywhere to go to the right that hasn't crumbled too much. Or like if the wave keeps reforming and stuff. But it's not an easy task. AND THIS IS WHAT SEA MONKEY DID, REPEATEDLY!! She turned that big ol' Snow Pony right and continued along backside (her back to the wave, also not an easy task,) and then when another section in front of her started to crumble, she turned AGAIN and went back to the left. Mere words cannot express the pride that The Capt'n feels for the Sea Monkee. I'ma tell you what. This is a major accomplishment at this juncture. And The Capt'n made out pretty well, too, luckily finding her way into the pocket of a long and fast left which during the course of the ride the wave started to rear up steeper and form a tiny CURL up at the lip....so The Capt'n crouched down low to get under it, since the wave was only between waist and chest high, but dang! it never quite formed a barrel. But if it did, it would have been the first tuberide for Team Shredder! But it didn't. But it was a mad ride anyway.
Good times!
b) Before all of this could happen, however, the Team had to make a stop at their new, fave surf shop, Select Surf, to get more sunscreen, because as vain senior citizens with internalized misogyny we are paranoid of becoming leatherfaced hags. And good thing we did, because we had a nice chat with Phil, the sweet little shopkeeper who is really open and friendly and supportive of the female surfers. He showed us pictures of his new baby girl and said, "she owns me." He then told us that his dad had originally opened the shop in '59, and years later his aunt sold it, and it took him a really long time to get it back, but that everything he'd ever done in life, both good and bad, was all a lead-up for him having the shop. Sea Monkey got a single tear, almost.
c) After surfing we got tacos and quesedillas and rented 3 movies and went straight home to the couch. The Team started with a preview of part of the surf movie Endless Summer Revisited, though it soon got too choady, and then after the tasty bites we did clay masques while watching What the Bleep Do We Know. All I could keep saying was "we're living the dream."

Meanwhile, the other third of the Team, Mrs. The Capt'n, is making her way through the mean streets of New York. While it's tragic for the Team to ever to be split up, for short times or long, we here in the west are certain that the Mrs. will triumph. She's in good hands with Gree C. Hair & co., her many other pals passing thru, plus possibly the NY blogger stars, and my beloved queeny uncle Ed the classical pianist and aunt Natasha the mezzo soprano. She's having a voice coaching with Natasha, and today, brunch with Ed. I'm dying, it's so cute. They all love eachother and get to talk shop and giggle. The Mrs., just by being her elegant graceful self, is scoring big points for me by proxy with the family, without even trying.
Go Team!

Vincent van Gogh and Jennifer Coates

Team Shredder Book of the Month Club

Team Wordsmith Sea Monkee gives us this month's hot pick------------->

livin the dream

All Hail The Cornypicture c/o: Sea Monkee

The Brain.

Sea Monkey goes to college

and is not happy about it.

Go Team Shredder, Hit it Hard!

EYE OF THE TIGER

From the desk of Gree C. Hair to the couch of Team Shredder

chello

how could I have forgotten how cute the Mrs. the Capt'n is?

Mrs. the Capt'n is our new light and our sun

overnight she has brought us early spring and as you can see some of us
took
the opportunity to say goodbye to old man winter

oxoxl

WHOH! 20-30 foot waves in Baja Norte?!?

Linda Benson

These are a few of my favorite choad things

Denny Crane
On Boston Legal, played by William Shatner. Shatner perfectly captures the way-out-of-it, ignorant yet cunning, self-serving Republican power choad. He's got the Mad Cow, and he's in love with/best friends with Progressive fellow lawyer on the show, James Spader. Gotta love him! You know he'd be a fun friend.









"The Dog"
Played by Duane "The Dog" Chapman, on the show called The Dog. I came across this show on a recent Jet Blue flight, and I don't need to tell you that upon first glance I was truly horrified. It's not pictured here, but "The Dog" is currently sporting rows of triangular-shaped beads woven into the front part of his bigger, more-fluffed-out-than-pictured-here ape drape (a.k.a extreme mullet.) Also, pointy wraparound shades that when he takes them off, there are pale areas in the shape of the pointy wraparound shades. But what is it the Buddhist masters tell us...that anybody we are either imediately attracted to or repulsed by is our teacher. "The Dog" is my teacher. Within five minutes I was completely hooked in. Turns out he's really charismatic, and his wife and family are kind of great, although the premise of the show is deeply problematic. It's like a terrible car accident that you can't help but look at, but then it kind of works out to be ok.





Tony Soprano
Do I even need to say anything at all about this? Team Shredder is actually considering getting cable for 12 weeks just to make sure we don't miss any episodes, and then cancelling it.

Team Shredder Press Recommends . . .

Questions . . .

As I was taking my morning stroll through the Valley of the Broadcasting Molars today, a walk which was/is increasingly exciting, longer, and even more despondent than usual, if that's possible, as The Cap'n is out of town partying with all the Star Chirruns of the Blogosphere, and Mrs. The Cap'n is busy, a loud voice went booming around the inside of my mouth. It go like this:

Sea Monkee! Why are Slavery and Gold (Real color not shown) the only common denominators to the very beginning of Humanity?!?!!!?? !
?!?!!!

Your Special Day

Today is the day of the birth of the Gree C. Hair!!!
She said it's the only day that is a command. And then I was like, what? And then she was all, "March Forth."
YAY Gree C! You were born! And now you're here!
Here is a special tribute display of pictures care of our special friend who shall remain nameless, just in case any of her students look her up online.



This is our special friend Rainy, sometimes referred to as "Rainbow," with her sculpture titled "Rainbow," by Jeanine Oleson and Marina Ancona.












Next up is: Muy Caliente in Brazil!! Or, Muito Quente!!














And then Muy Calliente at ARF, the women's land.


















Jeebus and child down Baltimore



















Slutch down Baltimore

















And also plus,
announcing the arrival of The Gaylord Rahabilitation Center!

A tree grows in Brooklyn outside of Gree C. Hair's house

The sun also rises at her clubhouse, or studio, where we are going next, if we can get out the house at a reasonable hour. The sun will probably set before we do. We're still recovering from a long day's journey into the night, which is harder to do in one's golden years. We'd been running around like crazy people on not much sleep, then had one drink and got home at 1:30, and I guess that's too much for us, because now we're both like, whoa. Here is what came up on my "old hag" image search--------------->
Gree C's harshing out on her brand new phone, which won't let her just turn it on, she has to "program" it, plus it came with a CD, not an instruction booklet, that required her to be online. What if she didn't even have a computer!? It's hard for the old dags to figure things out in this world gone mad. Zoe's room looked great at the Whitney, and she and her lady were so excited, it was the cutest. We were cracking up at the fake trailer for Caligula, too. Anything with Karen Black is yes. Even though Courtney Love gave us the scary feelings. Is that misogynist of me to say? Gree C.'s little voice just trailed out from the kitchen, and all I heard was, "Don't let me forget this bok choy, you know how that goes, 'media gallery?' Why do I need that on my phone? My back doesn't hurt as much any more, it no longer feels like somebody tried to kill me."

Dear Diarhea,

At the house of Gree C. Hair, Greenpoint, Brooklyn, NY, USA.
Her mother gave her this for christmas----->

Didn't sleep much on that overnight flight. What was I thinking? Now we gotta high step it over to the Whitney to meet up with that classy dagger Ms. Strauss and check out her room there. Somebody is a little excited, so we gotta go get with her. I hope Jen will meet us too. Gree C. just said from the other room, "So how did Sea Monkey get the stalker note?" And I said they mailed it to her office. Then Gree C. said, "I found my bra in the dirty laundry, not the clean one."
Oh now we have to go...

stalker notes

Poor Sea Monkee got a stalker note recently.
Stalker notes are quite different than exciting flirt notes in that stalker notes are creepy and give us the scary feelings.
Don't worry Sea Monkee, we'll protect you.
My stalker note freaked me out, too. I went to my car one day and there was a little drawing of a person's legs and torso wearing nothing but underpants. The note said something like, "I think you're cute. I want to see you in your pannies." And there was a pair of panties stuffed between the side mirror and door.